Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Random scribblings about my life.

Posted by Jen Ko at 7:11 AM
"Have you ever noticed that I'm not acting like I used to be before. You really are my ecstasy."

"It's a fight between my heart & mind... no one really wins this time."

It's 7:15 in the morning & I'm not yet asleep. I doubt I'll go to sleep today because I need to be at class and I have a presentation & test today. I'm so screwed, I'm so tired, I'm so everything. I feel a bit down today, I don't know why but I think it's just one of those days where I feel so stressed and wared out. I can't keep going on like this, I really can't. I don't have time for anything & I don't even know where half my day goes usually. It's as if I look at my phone and I'm like, "oh shit, it's already 4pm." I rush from one place to the next and everything in between just fades away. I'm tired of trying. I hate being like this but sometimes there comes a time where we humans just want to give up and let everything go. I do, why the hell do I have to work this hard? I don't blame anyone but myself because I believe everyone has a choice, but choices comes with sacrifices. I hate sacrifice so I already know I only have one choice most of the time. It's no ones fault but mine.

I feel like an old woman that's a workaholic. I remember when I used to hang out and just do random stuff, act like my age and have fun. I used to have fun with anyone and I used to be "down" to go anywhere but now I don't even know what movies are out. I don't know what songs are popular. I don't even know what restaurants are good anymore.

"Breath in, breath out." I tell myself that when life gets stressful. Oh & I'm taking Intro to Symbolic Philosophy. Hey, just shoot me in the head. WT.... heck am I going to use that for. It's so hard and I honestly hate it, but I love it so. I'm so annoying though but I really do love how it stimulates my brain like no other. & after I sit there for 2 hours and only being able to solve 4 problems my brain hurts.

*yawn* I love my life, don't get me wrong. I love it. I love everyone. Fine, not everyone but majority of the people. As I have more customers I learn not to judge people... at all. I realize something I really enjoy about myself is that I rarely EVER judge someone & it's hard to get on my nerves, actually it's pretty much impossible to. I really like that about me, I like how when I meet someone for the first time, I only see the positives of people instead of the negatives. I also love that when I'm jealous of someone I'm actually really happy for that person. I'm not a hater and I never hate, even when I get hated on. & when I think of things like this I get really happy because I'm proud of the person I've become verses the person I used to be.

People have said mean things about me and I just take it now because as I grow older I realize there's nothing to get mad about. I try not to let people put me down but sometimes I still get put down pretty badly. You know what, it makes me stronger when people want to see me fall.

This is only part of it. :)

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