Thursday, October 29, 2009

Friends. etc.

Posted by Jen Ko at 6:42 PM 1 comments Links to this post
"cause maybe you'll be the one that saves me"

I need an outlet for what I'm feeling right now.
I'm not sure how I even survived through these few weeks, I think back to it and I realized I've been half living. I kept telling myself I was okay when I really wasn't, and when I finally came up with the courage to face the truth .. I realized that I was okay. I might not be the same happy girl but I'm at least okay. Even though it hurts a lot to know that people in general aren't always what we expect them to be, but through this experience I grew closer to my friends and I also met new people that held my hand throughout this journey.

For every disappointment there will always be happiness hiding around the corner. My two best friends have been my free therapist for the past few weeks. You both know who you are and I promise to start becoming a better friend. Sometime just saying a simple and sincere, "Thank you" is very hard. I wanted to tell both of you guys that I really appreciate everything. Sometimes all I need is that car ride with music playing and knowing the friend that's sitting next to me would never leave intentionally. I think that's just enough for me to live happily because it's like people are actually counting on me. I'm not alone and I never will be alone.

I think when it comes to relationships I need to be more logical and accept the cold hard facts. When I think about love or relationships my whole body shivers and it scares me. It scares me that I thought I needed someone to mend my heart, that I needed someone else's arms to give me warmth. Learning from my mistakes, I really didn't. I just needed to believe in myself and have faith in myself. I met two people that gave me new insights to life, and maybe I just needed change, I needed something different.

"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy."

I've learned so much, and I really need an outlet for everything I'm feeling.
I just want to focus on myself and what I want, I don't want to live for anyone else. I don't want to be a certain way because everyone expects me to be, I just want to figure out myself and I really need to stop molding myself for others.

Pink + Blue

Posted by Jen Ko at 6:37 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Pink set with tons of rhinestones. I love rhinestones! :)

Blue with gold flakes

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Shin Sen Gumi Yakitori and Shabu Shabu - Monterey Park (2)

Posted by Jen Ko at 5:20 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Before I start, I just wanted to ask everyone not to talk to me about J anymore. I think this is actually directing to majority of my customers because he's dear to my heart and I don't want to hear anymore bashing and it's really not important what happened anymore. :) I have grown really antsy while I'm doing nails so please understand how I feel because J has been there from day 1 with my nail business including me preparing for my license exam. I try my best not to think about his impact and it doesn't help when people are constantly asking me what happened. Everyone is bound to judge him and I'm not going to let that happen so no questions! :D thanks.

Peanut ice cream bar. :) yumyum.

he's a good looking guy huh? :)

After I received my D60 from J, we went to Shin Sen Gumi Yakitori in Monterey Park because I was going through this yakitori phase. Shin Sen Gumi is pretty darn delicious but the bill always makes me choke a bit.

yakitori station. :) I love watching.

Vegetables for shabu shabu
Sesame sauce and ponzu
US washu beef. :)

I can't believe my camera does such cool things! :)
Sweet potato
looks so pretty :)

I can't remember what this was.. beef maybe?
Chicken with Salt
delicious potato
Thigh with green onion (salt)
Chicken skin
pretty picture :)

Chicken with green onion (sauce)
*special* heart
The guy introduced me to try this and let me just say it was NOT good.

I love yakitori.

Shin Sen Gumi and Shabu Shabu
111 N Atlantic Blvd #248
Monterey Park CA 91754

Sunday, October 18, 2009

This is personal and this is the last one.

Posted by Jen Ko at 3:52 PM 1 comments Links to this post
This will be the last personal post about J. I think breakups are hard and I was actually try to sort out my pictures when I saw this. Ouch, the heart really hurts when I saw this. I was sleeping when he took this and I imagine how he was feeling when he took this picture. How things change and how growing up requires so much space and time. Even I thought we would be together for a very long time and I'm sure he thought that as well.

I always felt like I always fit comfortably in his arms and I was always comfortable. I would sleep in his arms and wake up in them and he would never complain about it. Little things like kissing me in the middle of the night is really touching, he kisses me on the forehead everyday. The day when he told me he needed to be alone, I knew deep down inside we were over. Because I really love him, I let him go. I think after all the love he has showed me in two years, that's the least I can do for him. I haven't cried in the past week and today I have officially broke my record.

He has given me so much more then I could ever ask for. It's not just love or relationships, it's his support and his never ending optomistic attitude. I always said he was my bear because he was always warm even in winter. I just had to sit next to him and he would warm me up. I just had to call his name at night and he'd wake up and hug me. He subconsiously hugs me in the middle of the night or squeezes my hand. I think it hurts me so much because I obviously took him for granted and even if I knew things would be over I wish I did more for him. He's truly a special person and amazing person.

He's been apart of my home and he will always be my home.
I also decided that I will still post all my adventures that included him because I want to keep and share our happy memories. :)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

I am back and ready for a change

Posted by Jen Ko at 12:25 AM 0 comments Links to this post
These were done before I went to Taiwan, I really love the whitish gradation. :)

These were my nails for awhile. It's just clear with rhinestones, I like it very much because it looks simple.

I blinged the lens cap of my lens cap. I think the D60 looks too manly and I wanted to make it into a girls camera :) Best way is to add rhinestones and pearls.

PS I know a lot of you have been worried about me and my whereabouts. I'm sorry for the people I have responded through email but I'm still working my way slowly through the overload of emails (spam from facebook). I am back in LA and I'm doing my best to I wish the best to everyone and for the Chinese people.. there's this song by A-lin called 做我自己. The lyrics have helped beyond any other song.

期待下一個MR.Right出現 在我眼前
醜小鴨的我要改頭換面 變得更美
自信它是我字典裡美麗的恩典 深刻體會
心情已經完全改變我的一切 問題解決

穿上我最耀眼的高跟鞋 在你面前
換上我最亮眼的一面 讓你看見
空氣中的我散發出迷人的香味 這是絕對

我不再去想別人怎麼看 我就是喜歡自己很勇敢

就請你守住自己的勇敢 請走出來
讓生命起步變得更澎湃 活的自在
苦痛與寂寞統統都不再擾亂 把握現在

請別再去想別人怎麼看 就做你自己就會很All Right
我不再去想別人怎麼看 我就是喜歡自己很勇敢

如果你現在覺得頭痛 別躲在家裡自己寂寞
不如就和我一樣一起大聲吶喊 拋開所有一起來看

請別再去想別人怎麼看 就做你自己就會很All Right
放開你胸懷大聲吶喊 請你什麼都不必再管
我不再去想別人怎麼看 我就是喜歡自己很勇敢

我不再去想別人怎麼看 我就是喜歡自己很勇敢
現在我只想做我自己 真的很愉快

Monday, October 12, 2009

Posted by Jen Ko at 7:24 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Things haven't been going so well with J & I.
This blog has kind of been about us and our adventures.
The reason I'm successful with nails and I got hired by Oops J has a lot to do with J's support. I know we both need time to grow but I miss him so much that it's making me really antsy. I can't concentrate on anything for too long. Heartbreaks are hard and I'm really sorry to everyone that has been trying to make an appointment. He has been a huge impact in my life and I need that time to let it go and move on.

I will be at Oops J on Fridays and Saturdays. If anyone wants to make an appointment with me it has to be at the salon. It's a bit more expensive but it's also much more comfortable. For now, please call the store directly to make an appointment with me. I think it's much easier there because I have my co-workers to support me and make me laugh. :) See you at Oops J!

All the girls that called me:
I will call you girls back on Tuesday!

Thank you everyone for following me through this adventure. I promise to be back with better posts once I get through everything.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Currently in Taiwan

Posted by Jen Ko at 11:41 AM 1 comments Links to this post
The weather is humid and I'm in a very uncomfortable position because I'm stealing someone else's wireless internet :) I came back for my Grandmother's funeral, it was very different. It was a very traditional taoist funeral. I finally realized that I'm not Buddhist but Taoist. There's a difference between them and I think a lot of people mix them up. I learned a lot and grew up a little bit this time. I'm not exactly really happy and I'm not sure why. Sometimes life crumbles down on my shoulder and for the first time in awhile I faced the things I've always been most scared of.

The weight on my shoulders really heavy and I just want to give up. I just don't know what to do anymore and this is the first time that I don't want to stay in Taiwan. I love it here but this time.. I hate it here. I hate the weather, I hate how there's so many people, I hate how I can't go anywhere by myself. I need alone time, I need to be home. It's like a domino effect, once one domino falls.. all else falls. I think I'm talking in circles.. somethings are better left private. It's these times when I smile the most often.

life is currently in b&w. I hope my life turns colorful soon.