I need an outlet for what I'm feeling right now.
I'm not sure how I even survived through these few weeks, I think back to it and I realized I've been half living. I kept telling myself I was okay when I really wasn't, and when I finally came up with the courage to face the truth .. I realized that I was okay. I might not be the same happy girl but I'm at least okay. Even though it hurts a lot to know that people in general aren't always what we expect them to be, but through this experience I grew closer to my friends and I also met new people that held my hand throughout this journey.
For every disappointment there will always be happiness hiding around the corner. My two best friends have been my free therapist for the past few weeks. You both know who you are and I promise to start becoming a better friend. Sometime just saying a simple and sincere, "Thank you" is very hard. I wanted to tell both of you guys that I really appreciate everything. Sometimes all I need is that car ride with music playing and knowing the friend that's sitting next to me would never leave intentionally. I think that's just enough for me to live happily because it's like people are actually counting on me. I'm not alone and I never will be alone.
I think when it comes to relationships I need to be more logical and accept the cold hard facts. When I think about love or relationships my whole body shivers and it scares me. It scares me that I thought I needed someone to mend my heart, that I needed someone else's arms to give me warmth. Learning from my mistakes, I really didn't. I just needed to believe in myself and have faith in myself. I met two people that gave me new insights to life, and maybe I just needed change, I needed something different.
"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy."
I've learned so much, and I really need an outlet for everything I'm feeling.
I just want to focus on myself and what I want, I don't want to live for anyone else. I don't want to be a certain way because everyone expects me to be, I just want to figure out myself and I really need to stop molding myself for others.