Relationships

I have been bending backwards trying to save something that might not be there anymore. Unlike before, I keep everything to myself now and I don't think it's really helping. Does anyone know the feeling of not being able to understand certain situations or feeling like you're just paranoid, but not all at the same time. I feel that way towards him, and I am so lost.

I believe people grow up and you drift apart, I am no longer as sappy as I used to be. As I grow older, I become more and more private and it scares me because I don't have a place to vent my true feelings. I'm not making any sense... do I ever?

People say, "you get comfortable," but that's not what I want. I don't want to just get comfortable and I feel like him and I aren't what we used to be, but that doesn't bother him(?) Why? Because we've been together for 4+ years?

I tell him that it hurts me deep down inside and sometimes I don't feel like we are even a couple anymore, but nothing changes and I end up being the biggest nag. so I stop because that's all I can do is stop. I try to tell myself that this is just me(which could be), but all these thoughts still come back in my head. For example, if he's gone for too long I start getting worried like "wtf. is he on his phone talking to another girl? Is he texting? wtf is he doing?" I know, and I'll get so overwhelmed in these feelings that I stick to it. I can't figure myself out anymore, because I'll go the extent and check his phone and find nothing... only to realize I'm being really paranoid.

I know the correct answer to my feelings is to take a break and let myself breath. He's put me through situations I never understood how I got out of, and I think it's all slowly starting to unfold.

I feel so confused, and hurt. I'm tired of being hurt, I really am.