Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Posted by Jen Ko at 1:50 PM
"tell me why is it, sometimes I can't look you in the eyes. This is my goodbye and no longer will I try, because I'm leaving and you hurt me for the very last time"

I will never get over how beautiful clouds are. I didn't take the first one, it was taken with an Iphone... why can't I take pictures with my iphone like this?

I feel like my blog and become so personal and I originally made this because I wanted to share my happiness with others. I just need an outlet, because at times opinions aren't necessary. I just need to pour it all out, I guess I can express how I feel better through writing.

I have so many secrets, so many things I hold deep in myself because I know people can't handle the truth. J came back the other day, just like wind he blew himself back into my life. It hasn't exactly settled in yet and the day he expressed his feelings to me and we laid there on his bed I whispered, "I feel like I'm dreaming." I wasn't exactly coherent at the time but I was utterly shocked because I closed that door already. I moved on, or at least I tried very hard to move on and I was just about there when this happened.

Anger was how I reacted at first and I just didn't want to deal with him because my heart had already drifted away. I found happiness in other things and my personality grew a bit thicker. After he came back, I just got this feeling that I wanted to stop talking to everyone, I wanted to just be alone and not have to deal with any of it because I need to be selfish. Although I want to be selfish, at the end of the day I can't walk away from the people I care about.

Music hasn't been helping the headaches, why can't things just be simple?

The kind of person I am? I feel like a horrible person, I feel like my actions were lies. I feel like people are counting on me to be strong and to figure out what I want but what if I don't want anything? Does that make me a horrible person for not wanting anything?

What if I don't want anyone? What if I just want to be alone? Love is strong, and I'm also the kind of person that can't stand to hurt another for my benefit. Have I become bitter? Do I not believe anymore? People change and I try to live life without regrets, if you make a mistake, shouldn't we keep walking forward and learn from it?

I want to concentrate on work.

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